A Question of Sanity

There are times...times when you think you will go stark raving mad...times that make you question your sanity...times when you ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking?!" You ask yourself this very question in regards to ...Motherhood! That's right. Am I sane? I really wanted to do this? First it's those tentative baby steps we take into the abyss that is the first night home. They cry, and you have absolutely no idea what to do. Thankfully, God steps in and says "feed the baby, stupid!". Then you move on to the nightmare of explosive poopy. Poopy of such enormous proportions from such a little being, that require a bath (for you and said child), and leave you pondering "Where did it all come from?!" Then they get older, and there's teething, fevers, runny/stuffy noses, coughs, scraped knees, goose-eggs on their heads and God forbid a hospital stay. You stumble through it all. Not realizing the depth of your decision, until later. Like when the 2 yo likes to take a header into the floor from his stance on a mostly deflated ball. Or when the 5yo, whines and complains and demands non-stop for whatever it is she wants at that moment (and she wants it right now!) - cocoa, to play on the computer, to watch a movie...Her raspy, angry voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard. Stomping, yelling, crying...not to mention her behavior...leave you ready to rip out your hair.
Then, sitting in bed, reading a book, you have an epiphany - "This is what I was thinking!" All I am saying is, you are going to have moments where you are close to a nervous breakdown, that's life. But, the good moments, even if they are few and far between, and at that particular moment you cannot remember a single one, outweigh all the bad. The first smiles, first words, first steps, the giggles, the silly faces, the high-pitched squeals and screams, the hugs and kisses, the " i love you mommy"'s, the smiles, the accomplishments...The bad only last a few minutes, the good goes on forever. So, the brief moments that you question your decision, are just fleeting losses of sanity. That is the true loss of sanity - that you may have decided not to open your heart and soul to these wonderful little beings, these wonderful gifts from God. The only insane thought would be that you chose not to have them in the first place.
Smile, and have a great day! I know I will. :)

Snow Days!

When you are little, the words "Snow Day" are at the top of your list of most favorite things in the world! It conjures up thoughts of no school, playing in the snow for hours, coming in to warm dry clothes and endless cups of hot cocoa (with marshmallows of course) and anything else you could think of to do. Adulthood on the other hand....
When I was working it would conjure up fear of not being able to get to work, or if I did decide to get out in it would I get there...would I get stuck somewhere...and worst of all - would I get stuck at work!!! Thoughts of fighting people in the grocery store for the last loaf of bread, carton of eggs and gallon of milk - because everyone needs these and always seems to run out of them when the threat of the "s" word looms over our heads. Once through this hell that is grocery shopping, our next nightmarish thought is - will the kids be out of school? What will I do to keep them busy? what havoc will they wreak on my house? How many piles of wet clothes and dirty cups will I have to wash?! Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!
Then you look outside and see the snow falling. Beautiful fluffy white flakes, gently falling to the ground. Peaceful scenery everywhere. White, fresh, new. Breathtaking! And you watch your kids playing in the snow. In total awe of what they are seeing when it is their first time. Making snowmen, forts (we never have enough here to do that) and snow angels. Having snowball fights. Giggling, laughing, playing, tumbling, sledding...For a few brief moments you actually enjoy it. Ahhhh.
Until...they announce another snow day for tomorrow! ***sigh***